its an oddity in this day and age for a band to come up with something to truely unique. its something that doesn't happen very often. but when it does it can be something that will define and set standards for years to come. which is why it is important that today is the release of the first in the series of videos for the album PLANS
death cab for cutie have done the impossible. they have taken each and every song from the album PLANS and given each song a video. each done by a different director, the videos (which will be released in instalments) reflect each directors imagination and vision.
for fans such as myself, this offers an amazing new way to see the songs we fell in love with. after watching the first video for the song 'marching bands of manhattan' i was exstatic. it was so great to see something, some sort of visual for a song that i love. it was like finding a new toy all the way in the bottom of a box you look in everyday. getting to see something in a whole new light! and....it was amazing!!!
IT'S SO COLD IN THIS HOUSE, ITS SO COLD IN THIS BED
descriptions of my apartment come from the song Like Eating Glass by the wonderful english band Bloc Party to which i have been listening to a lot lately. the song above has been giving me fits and its such a wonderful downer. with a fast beat and jagged guitars it fits perfectly to the lover. another song of theirs which i have become completely addicted to is the new single Two More Years. the lyrics are amazing and completely speak to me....
so back to the title of the entry today. its more then just a few lines in a song. today...this is how i feel. i am lonely. completely lonely. i've been sitting around in my apartment most of the day doing homework and the feelings of loneliness have started to get to me. to be here alone. no one even walking around to chat with. no one sitting around the living room to talk with or just to have company.
i guess more so...i am missing that someone. i am missing that special person i can sit around with. someone to sit on the couch with me while i do some homework. feel them playing around with my feet under the blankets. trying to get me to arange myself so they can lay on my stomach. just feeling someone close. that closeness is what i miss. i miss having that someone around with me. i want to have that someone with me. i wan to have that person who is with me and wants to be around me. right with me. feeling me. doing stupid little things with me. i guess i just want that someone. that person.
in the end tonight, this is what i am feeling... its so cold in this house. its so cold in this bed. like drinking poison. like eating glass.
LOST OUT IN THE WORLD AND THE RESOUNDING EFFECTS ON THE MIND
so what do you do when you get told that you are a liar. when you get told that everything you are saying is a lie, that you are contining to lie to someone that you love and that because of this, we can no longer talk. - - when you get told that this person says that they know everything that you are hypothetically doing and that you are a liar because you won't come clean. and then you sit and want to hurt yourself because you know that you haven't done anything....and this scenario will never change.
i guess its been like 5 hours since there was a good bye. and while i don't know if it was an actual good bye, the feelings and thoughts connected with it still sting. and while its hard to think of anything else but this, i have managed to drag myself out of the house to the gym for about two hours....worked on my arms and chest a bit there.....went to hyvee and bought some couscous for my supper tonight. comfort food...stuffed pork chops and ginger couscous.
all thoughts are of the situation. my mind is racing out of control. i feel sick. i think i am going to go lay down now.
so come to find out that i have received a new offer for a job. i tried out a job in sioux city, working as an in home social worker. while the interview was about two weeks ago, back before christmas, i did find out a little bit about the results a week ago. i was told that the job was as good as mine, but that they were just waiting for my background checks to come back.
feelings on this change are a few. after i got the offer, i started to feel a little bit of grief over leaving my current job. i gues its par for working with the kids i do. i felt that my leaving was partly letting them down. and while i know that its better for me in the long run, and that this decision has nothing to do with them. i did still feel some guilt. as of late, that has disappeared.
right now i have immense feeling of relief. relief that i am leaving the b and g mainly. i think that after being at this job for more then 2 and a half years i have finally realized how crapy it is. this job isn't glorious. it isn't even nice. what should be helpful in this type of job is the agency. an well, the agency doesn't care. after taking two years of abuse from the agency: no raises, new work demands, no raises again, continual changing of job description, a fear based work environment, caring less and less about the employees. it was finally just time to move on.
so my new job is as a social worker. i will be doing in home work with different families and individuals that are refered from DHS. in essence, i will be working DHS cases and reporting findings to them. it will be a different change, but a much welcome one. i am very excited about it and can't wait for it to start. hopefully i will get a call to start here this week.
its been a long time. i've been completely ignoring this site. and it sucks cause so much has happened as of late. i have so much to write and talk about and i've not any time to do it. my last semester was completely insanely busy. i was working full time and going to school full time. about 70 hours a week. and needless to say....it was kicking my ass. i was not enjoying it. i missed out on a lot of things. missed my friends, missed my family and just a lot of other things.
so its a new semester. it will be happening soon and i will be back to the grind stone. but i have decided that this semester i will be a little more available. i will be out more and be with my freinds more. i need to be with them more. they are keeping me sane.
new things are happening all the time and things are changing all the time. lots more to talk about....
