i arrived to the hospital at 6:30 in the morning - talked to a few very nice nurses and put on my little open assed robe and before listening to some "iron and wine" - while it was still a hospitle i didn't feel so bad - usually i am scared to death of hospitals - i sw my grandpa, great greandma die and alomst a new death experience with my best friend - i hate hospitals - but i was rather comfortable this past week - i didn't know what to say or think - i'd had this procedure done before - twice on my other leg - but i felt ok - i wasn't overly freaked out or worried about anything - more or less i just wanted to get it done - so stuck me with the needles - i cringed - they gave me the drugs - and i can remember them wheelin me around the hospital - towards the operating room - i was half in and half out of it - they gave me the gas and that was all she wrote - next thing i remember is scarfin down some toast in the recovery room - the nurse i had seemed to want to get me out of there - she was very pushy - anyway - we didn't like the feeling she gave us at all - so we finally got ready to go and we left - i was completely fucked up -
i don't really remember gettin into my apt or walkin the stairs or anything - but i guess my parents got me home and into my bed - i slept the rest of the day in some drugged induced coma - now its late in the morning - i'm a little more with it now - but still messed up - we'll see what the rest of the week as to bring -
i went out for new years to go see a hockey game and then go out to the bars - i had a great time - really enjoyed myself - i got drunk for the first time in a long time -
we went to see the muskies play - which the lost - i've decided that since every game i go to they lose i need to stop going to games - we drove around after that and went to a few different bars to have some drinks - we picked up a friend from work at 11 and then we met him later at a bar in town - we all got drunk and had fun - i got no kiss for new years - so last year was a fluke then for new years kisses - well actually i had someone to kiss but he wasn't interested in kissing me back -
well the night after i went out again with another friend - we started drinking at home before we went out due to the ice storm that hit - we finally got out to the bars at 12:30 and made the most of it by closing it down and going to after hours to finish the evening off - we got home at 5:30 and had a great time - unfortunatly we missed brunch that morning at 11 - oh well i guess -
but i think i learned something about myself that night - that maybe i have been holding on to something that i shouldn't have been for a long time - you can't force something that isn't working - like the square peg / round hole - it just doesn't fit - so i have to stop trying to make it work - - - of course i am speakin of the relationship i have been talkin about on this page for the past - oh i don't know - forever - but i have decided for the last time to finally give up on it - i have to quit - i can't keep trying to make it work if i am the only one interested - after a weekend of seeing things - how i act and how people act and how the world works - i realize that i need to stop - this is the final act - the way its ends - in order to keep something alive of us - i need to stop - so its done -
