what we place most hopes upon, generally proves most fatal.

- the vicar of wakefield


am feeling...


reach me:
aim name: sevis drol
mail box


do you know me at all?

cast of characters

the lucky ones
a broken heart
a girl who wears glasses
the eccentricities of a night-hawk
drawing a life
are the stars out tonight?
life, love, and the pursuit of everything!!!
flat at the top of the stairs
movable ree
la raviosa
goody
true love and high adventure


photobooth
living quarters
knife fight
black hearts party
sarah baker's wedding
get the hell out party


time to waste
belle and sebastian
HAPPY TREE FRIENDS!
sinister organization
camera obscura
crime watch
learning therapy
go clones!
the hated
home away from home
your pets are alive


currently listening too...
arcade fire- funeral
the album leaf - in a safe place
the decemberists - picaresque
sleater kinney - the woods
bright eyes - i'm wide awake, it's morning
death from above 1979 - you're a woman, i'm a machine
bloc party- silent alarm
belle and sebastian - push bar man to open old wounds
iron and wine - our endless numbered days

 
ENVY

of all the things in the world - one of the seven deadly sins - i think - i am envious - of how things are going in my life compared with someone else - and before anyone goes on and starts saying things like - welcome to america and its only natural to evny other people - i don't think this is natural at all - and i wish i didn't feel like this - not that anyone really wants to

overall i am envious of someone i love - which as i just looked up is interesting - seeing as love is the opposite virtue to envy - i envy someone i love - not for something they have - or something i wish i had - well maybe something i wish i had -

he has wonderfully and masterfully gotten over what we had quickly and seemingly without any huge problems - i don't understand it - and that is what i am envious of - i wish i knew what to do - becuase i can't get him out of my mind - maybe he has had some practice with another person? - maybe he is just in denial (i wish) - i don't know - but all i do know is that he seems to be fine while i am dying - oh fuck who the hell cares - i have exhausted my resources of people to talk with about this subject so i am forced to write on the internet to strangers who don't read this - but maybe thats it - maybe i just need to get it out in the open - maybe just to put it out there i will eventually feel better - who knows - but feel free to judge and say whatever you want -

posted by Scott at 9/24/2004 08:28:00 PM

 
QAF AND THE SINGLE GIRL

last night i got off work and went home to my apt. - i was thinking my roommate and her boyfriend would be there - which is fine - i like them both but i feel like i should be giving them private time so i usually leave them alone when i come home and hide out in my room - but... when i got home i found out that she was there alone cause he was at work doing an extra - - - cool - - -

so we watched some tv and bitched for a breif bit about people at work and things in our days - she was angry about something that had happened at work and i was pissed off by one of my co-workers - so we both complained for a while and it was nice - then came the interesting thing -

so i was in my room checking my email and she came in and asked if she could borrow the Queer As Folk dvds to watch - so i said yeah sure and let her take them - well she started watching them and i left my room for a bit to get something to drink and i sat with her for a bit to watch some and i realized that she was watching the beginning of the second season - !!! - i guess thats not that bad of a thing - but it would be like starting a movie half through or starting a book in the middle - you don't really know what happened to make these characters this way - so i put out a proposal - i told her that i would go with her to my friends house and we can get the first season - she said giddy up - so we took off - broke into my friends house and got my first season dvds - we went back to our apt and sat and proceeded to watch the first four episodes - i was up until 4:30 a.m. -

but i can't say i didn't have fun - i was not sure what she would think of it - she is straight and i know she is ok with me being gay and having a boyfriend around and all - but sometimes you never know till someone is in a certian position - but we laughed and talked about it and just all around had a great time -

time passes and now i am at work at 6p.m. the next day

i get a phone call from my roommate - thinking its about rent of something i answer it at work - all she can do is freak out to me - "oh my god i was so scared for Emmit in the 10th episode!" she said a few times - and i couldn't quite get what she was saying - but then it hit me - and i asked her if she had spent then whole day wathing the last 6 episodes of QAF all day - "YEP" she said - and all she could say was that she was so worried about Emmit getting tested for HIV and him possibly having HIV but having to wait al the way to the end to find out it was just some simple mistake but how that can change someones life over a weekend - it was cool - - deffinetly made you think about things -

but looks like we have something to bond over now

posted by Scott at 9/03/2004 10:24:00 PM