what we place most hopes upon, generally proves most fatal.

- the vicar of wakefield


am feeling...


reach me:
aim name: sevis drol
mail box


do you know me at all?

cast of characters

the lucky ones
a broken heart
a girl who wears glasses
the eccentricities of a night-hawk
drawing a life
are the stars out tonight?
life, love, and the pursuit of everything!!!
flat at the top of the stairs
movable ree
la raviosa
goody
true love and high adventure


photobooth
living quarters
knife fight
black hearts party
sarah baker's wedding
get the hell out party


time to waste
belle and sebastian
HAPPY TREE FRIENDS!
sinister organization
camera obscura
crime watch
learning therapy
go clones!
the hated
home away from home
your pets are alive


currently listening too...
arcade fire- funeral
the album leaf - in a safe place
the decemberists - picaresque
sleater kinney - the woods
bright eyes - i'm wide awake, it's morning
death from above 1979 - you're a woman, i'm a machine
bloc party- silent alarm
belle and sebastian - push bar man to open old wounds
iron and wine - our endless numbered days

 
A FOCAL POINT TO FOCUS ON

and on with life....but in which direction

so its a new month and i have done absolutly nothing here recently - it sucks really - there has been so much that i have wanted to write about on here that i just havent't gotten around to writing - but since no one reads this then i really don't care to much to put a whole lot of things up here - i am not trying to get people to look at this - just for me - its mainly for my own enjoyment - which is something i am going to try to do more - write in here that is about things that happen throughout my day - - - -

well - so lately things are going well - i work and then sleep mostly - on my days off i usually just try to hang around with my guy - who is great - or do something constructive - even if something constructive is sitting around and playing video games - but i have decided that i want to go back to school as early as this summer - but to be more realistic i want to be into a full time grad porgram by next christmas - right now i am looking at going to Wayne State College - i want to go into a Community Counseling program or even a Educational Counseling program - i have liked the counseling profession for some time and just from working with the kids i do at my current job i see the necessity for counselors - only problem is that i might need to pick up my education endorsement before hand - ! yikes ! - but i don't think it will be such a problem and realistically i could be out with my MSE by 2006 - and i would like going back and getting my degree - i am more of a academic person then a real life person - i would rather be teaching methodology and theory to a bunch of kids who want to learn then helping kids with life choices who only want to smoke up and bitch about how they got caught by the law - this isn't really my desired position in life - right now i have interviewed for a position of addiction counselor and i would be working very closely with an actually therapist helping to diagnose and enact specific therapies - i really would like this position and i think it would be a really good entrance into grad school - they love that real world experience

one other major point in my life right now ----------> i am psycho into the basketball season right now - the Iowa State Cyclones are doing fucking great this season with a brand new coach and some amazing new freshman guards - to show you how well we just beat No. 12 Kansas at home - which is really something impressive considering that we were a huge underdog and that it was Kansas's first loss of the season!!! - ! woo hoo ! - and we will be playing No. 22 Oklahoma Sooners come Wednesday and it should be a great game and our possible first road win of the season - that stat isn't so impressive i know - but sorry - its a young team with a new coach - so its understandable if they are having some problems dealing with road games - oh well i guess - they will all come around soon - and thinking about next years team - damn they should be great to watch them all develop into a stellar team - awesome - so i have been a crazy nut about all cyclone games this season - i make sure i catch them all - even if i am sitting around listening to it on the AM radio - which i have done before - i would love to see the Big 12 conference tournement this year but it can't take the time off for it - oh well - not a huge problem - it will all be on TV -

other news for me is that i went back to see the orthopedic surgen about my knees again - the news wasn't the best news in the world - they took some x-rays of my knees and found out that my left knee joint is swollen and it looks as if i have arthritus and fly away cartilage behind my knee cap - which would account for all the pain i get in my knees when i am just sitting around or have it in a stationary position for too long - the arthritus set in because of the previous orthoscopic surgery i had when i was a freshman in high school - so the doctor has me on celebrex right now - which i am getting slight stomach aches from and don't really think it is working a whole lot - i am still getting knee pain and while i can't see if the swelling is gone i don't think it is - but i can't tell if it has or not - oh well - i guess i will find out later - my other course of action is having surgery - hmmmm......... -

posted by Scott at 1/17/2004 10:51:00 PM

 
...I'M NOT SAYING YOU GUYS DON'T DO A GOOD JOB, BUT YOU NEED TO TRY TO DO BETTER. (My Supervisor)

so at work on monday i was not in any way ready to experience the worst day at a job i have ever had - so once i entered work i noticed that there was more then one child screaming during meetings with the doctor - instantly i knew this was bad - very bad - usually all the kids are silent at this time - as i walked a kid went off so my supervisor, myself and another co-worker had to go and restrain him - this took about 20 minutes and it was just a large pain in the ass - but the important thing happened afterwords - as we are standing outside the seclusion room my supervisor looks at me and says... -

supervisor : scott, i decided that starting tomorrow you will be working on the other shift. so i want you to work the rest of this week. i know it means you would be working two weeks straight with only a day off but if you don't someone else will have to.

me : no.

so bluntly i told him i needed the week off and there was nothig he could do to get me to work this week. he accepted becaue i think he knew i was not kidding - there was no way in hell i would have ever have agreed to work that week - he was a bit angree i think because he walked off to his office right after the conversation - but then within 15 minutes of him sitting in his office with the door shut - he came out and told me and that my co-worker that we needed to come into his office wso he could talk with us both -

a little frightened at this point in time -

we got into his offie and he told us that he wanted to speak with us about something that were going on - basically he said that people in the building were telling him that we were not doing our jobs good enough - hence the title of the entry - it was so fucked up - he was sitting there telling us that we are both being too theraputic and that we need to become more strict in enforcing the rules - which is complete crap - i have become such an enforcer that its not even funny - i threaten and i throw consequences - i perform physical interventions when necessary and i support and work with my co-workers - he had one staff tell him that i wasn't supporting her and taking the kids side of the argument - and he said that also there were staff saying the kids are running the unit - its all bullshit - i was so angry at him - he doesn't even see what we are doing adn he takes what the kids, and what staff floating through as fact - its BULLSHIT!!!! - complete and utter bullshit - i so wanted to rip into him and tell him exactly what i though of the whole unit - that he runs it like shit and he is too soft on everything - he doesn't enforce the rules - if anyone is too theraputic its him!!!! - oh my god - i don't know what to say - he brought up some other things about my shift partner and myself - and our job performance - he was basically saying that we were shit and that we can't cut it at all - hell - it was so fucking insane - during the time he was talking to us i had the compelling need to stand up and throw something across the room - he even told us that he was hearing that we were unhappy and sad in the unit - he went as far as telling us that we could transfer to another unit if we need to just like our old shift partner who as he put it 'couldn't handle it'. which was FAR from the case - oh hell - so the supervision was cut short because his little girl called and asked when he was coming home - so he took off - ugh? - what? - is that professional? - but after he left - nicole(shift partner) and i went off - we just started complaining and yelling - the kids were a little freaked because we were going off on each other and just freaking out - it was a mess -

so now i don't know what to do - even now when i think about it i am still pissed off and i want to go back in and talk to my supervisor about everything - because even now i am putting things into the picture and figuring out exactly what happened - just a lot of gossip and crap from people who have no REAL BUSINESS talking about it -

posted by Scott at 1/07/2004 01:47:00 AM

 
LIFE AFTER WORK

so i have been at work now for 9 and a half hours and i have decided that i hate my job!!! - there is no positive for me working tonight or any night - i worked only tow days this week and i don't even want to come back - i hate this job - i have become such a bully here - i have to yell at my kids and i have have to be physical towards them to get my point across - they constantly challenge my authority and treat my like shit - i haven't worked a shit in i can't remember where i haven't been called a 'fucking bitch' or a 'fucking faggot' - this is not how it is supposed to be or go - this is not what is supposed to happen after i have slaved my ass away working in college for 5 years to get 5 degrees and to make what i do and to get the shit that i get - its not right - i hate my job beyond belief -

posted by Scott at 1/02/2004 11:22:00 PM