what we place most hopes upon, generally proves most fatal.

- the vicar of wakefield


am feeling...


reach me:
aim name: sevis drol
mail box


do you know me at all?

cast of characters

the lucky ones
a broken heart
a girl who wears glasses
the eccentricities of a night-hawk
drawing a life
are the stars out tonight?
life, love, and the pursuit of everything!!!
flat at the top of the stairs
movable ree
la raviosa
goody
true love and high adventure


photobooth
living quarters
knife fight
black hearts party
sarah baker's wedding
get the hell out party


time to waste
belle and sebastian
HAPPY TREE FRIENDS!
sinister organization
camera obscura
crime watch
learning therapy
go clones!
the hated
home away from home
your pets are alive


currently listening too...
arcade fire- funeral
the album leaf - in a safe place
the decemberists - picaresque
sleater kinney - the woods
bright eyes - i'm wide awake, it's morning
death from above 1979 - you're a woman, i'm a machine
bloc party- silent alarm
belle and sebastian - push bar man to open old wounds
iron and wine - our endless numbered days

 
TALKING SAVES LIVES

last night i sat the boy down before he wanted to leave and i told him i wanted to talk to him -

scary right....

well i think maybe it could be take very badly if someone does that to you -
but it was not bad last night

i told the boy that i was there for him - that i love him and that i want to be with him as long as he wants me - i told him that i know i had made stupid mistakes in the past and that he had told me things that i should remember - that i have been stupid in situations - that i don't think sometimes and that i have hurt him - i know that and there are no excuses for that - i have done some aweful things and he stands by me - and keeps on looking for me - god he is amazing -

i told him i wanted him and that i wanted us to be together - that i need him with me - i have never really needed someone - well except the girl known as jennifer - i have needed her - and like i needed her - i need this boy in my life - and not for selfish reasons - i want him to be with me - to have a life with me - to share daily activities with me - there is something about him - but when i am around him i feel comfortable and i am myself - he puts me at ease and settles me down -

well last night i explained to him that i loved him and i wanted to be with him
he kinda smiled a little bit through some of the things i said - but i was not sure of his total reaction - he kept telling me though that he needed to go home to bed - but he was good - and i think that we got some things worked out -

man, i love that boy -

you hear me - !!!! - i love you - !!! -

posted by Scott at 4/11/2004 10:18:00 PM

 
...AND THEN THE NIGHT

so its mid day here now - about 4:30 pm and i am not happy what so ever - i don't know what to think or do or anything here - i am upset about the littlist things - acutally i am not even mad as i am just confused and completely depressed - i don't know what to think about what is going on in my life -

about two weeks ago my loves parents come up to visit - and he doesn't speak to me after that for about three days - what he does say when he says something is that "i don't know what you did this past weekend" and then i say "do you think i cheated or was with someone else" he responds "i don't know" - and then i want to cry - yes there have been two incidents in the past that i did that have made his trust go probably to nothing - i am sure that he has no trust for me at all - but i didn't do anything with anyone that weekend at all - but a friend of mine says that some lesbian told him she saw me at the bar with some guy - Fuck That Bitch - i didn't do anything - and then i get in trouble - fuck - he wouldn't let me touch him or kiss him or do anything to him - why - why why why why why why - i get no answers - i get nothing - i don't know a reason -

i love this boy so much - and nothing happens - i feel as though he is trying to make us into friends instead of lovers right now - he won't let me stay at his place (except for one night) - and he won't stay at my place - i can't kiss him, he turns his head - i feel like i am getting shut out here now - he is sitting in my living room now and i am typing this and i think i am going to go talk to him in a second - maybe it will go well or maybe it will go bad - fuck who knows -

but i love him - no one can stop that -

posted by Scott at 4/10/2004 04:23:00 PM

 
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE

i am so confused at this point in time - i don't know what is going on - i feel like i am getting accused of doing something that i didn't do - even though no one has ever said anything accusing me of anything - i stil feel like i am getting in trouble -

posted by Scott at 4/04/2004 12:03:00 AM