I WENT TO HARLAN IOWA - AND I SAW THE FACE OF GOD IN A YELLOW, PINK, AND BLUE HIPPIE EASTER DRESS - I AM REFORMED - NO MORE PASTELS FOR ME!
not that i ever would wear pastals - but just incase i had the one wild hair inside me - it is safe to say that thanks to the hippie lady - whose dress could only be described as rainbow brights window dressings - and her husband - who wore the always accessable thin baby blue tie with black pants and a white shirt - i now have seen the evils of drugs like pot and lsd - i will never want to do them again - so now that i am clean off the drugs that matter - what a weekend i had - first off it was the lovely miss sarah baker's wedding - and she is now the mrs. paul whiticker of the army guard - pretty hot uh - well ya - shw was hot - but i will need to sit a bit before i can get more done - i am so tired -
oh man i am not feeling well at all - i swear i am just about on deaths door - so i awoke this morning at 7 to go to work and i couldn't breath out of my nose at all - and then after i was up a bit i started coughing insesently and couldn't stop - up into the point where i was coughing so much i got sick - i was a mess this morning - so i took some medicine called my boss and told them i was not going to be in and then i went back to sleep - and i slept till 2:30 in the afternoon - when i woke up i was feeling better - but still - no where near as good as i thought i would be feeling - so i went into get some more meds to take - and i noticed something completely funny - so this morning when i originally got up and took some meds - i.....um.....accidently took a muscle relaxer instead of my allergy medicine - hehehe....no wonder i slept so much today - but as of right now i am on -
3 tylenol every 4 hours
30ml of dayquil every 6 hours
4 sprays of afrin every 4 hours
2 sudafed every 8 hours
20ml of phenagrin with codine at night
1 zyrtec a day
i am in one of those states where i feel like i am high - but i know i am not - everything has this sort of haze to it - and when i look around it is all in slow motion - it is pretty fun although i am sure that i am taking way more then i should right now - hehehe - i even have a party to go to tonight and i was supposed to get trashed with some of the kids there - hehe - that won't be happening now - but oh well - i think it will still be fun - in am altered state - it should add a pretty fun spin to everything -
NEWS FLASH: REALLY FAT WOMEN SHOULD NOT WEAR STRETCH PANTS - REALLY FAT PREGNANT WOMEN SHOULD ALSO NOT WEAR STRETCH PANTS!!!
i think my retinas are scorched and burned out - if i still have eyes left by the morning i will be going to work - also i am sick now - i have picked up some sort of flu from my roommate here within the last 24 hours - i am hot and headache and i have now developed a cough and i am just feeling a whole general bunch of crap - ugh - great - right at finals -
I WISH I COULD FILM MY LIFE WITH THE SAME LENS THEY FILM THE GILMORE GIRLS WITH - IT SEEMS TO ADD A CUTE FUZZY FINISH TO EVERYTHING
but isn't it true - if i could just film my life with that lens - every parental fight would end up with me and my friend or whoever walkin away with a justified feeling - knowing we are right and they are well not really wrong - but just misguided - all my friends would seem to have cutie little names and have interesting jobs to do - not to mention everything would be fun - there would be adventures galore all over - god my life would be wonderful - not to mention......that everything would look wonderful and cute - decorated well and nice - in a very sort of ecclectic new england meets collectors thing they have going - god - i just wish i could live in that town - ya - i just caved in and said it - i do wish i could live in that town - whatever it is called - oh man i don't even know where they live - but anyway - about tonights episode ------->
i am a little confused and just put down that they didn't show all that food - i mean do you remember the cake rory ordered for laurali - what was it - like a five layer cake made of two flavors with little cupcakes around the outside - and then two kinds of frosting - one covering the other - oh god - i would live in that cake if i could - yummy - it sounded so good - and the pizza was a cute idea - even though it did look really fake at the end - dissapointing - but how much fun - look even when they throw parties they are cutie and fun - another example why i want to live there - but then i was a little bit wondering about this whole thing with the coffee shop guy - forgive me i know not his name - i do realize that is sacraligious to some people - sorry - and the lawyer - they seem completely at odds as people with completely different attitudes and everything - how could those two ever meet and decided to go out - besides the fact that they are both cute - what else is there - and cuteness can't last forever - she will get ugly when she ages - he needs to move on - as does rory - her man is just dumb - i get mad at him all the time - oh well i guess -
ok so now i need to get some sleep - i have to get up at 7 tomorrow for work at 8 - i will need a big ol coffee at work to make it tomorrow - eh - crap - hope i can make it -
so i decided today that i wanted to graduate now - and so i am graduating this may - well tenatively - the lady told me that she has to look over my degree audit to make sure it is all true and correct - but i know it is so - rock on - i am graduating - how happy am i - rock - so in like three weeks - i will be walking down the isle - if i plan to - and recieving a fake diploma in a book for my diploma - and then getting my real one in like two weeks - but still - i am pretty happy - i think this is a better decision then sitting around and graduating this summer - i like this idea better - oh ya - then i will be getting out of this town - yes - goodbye town - oh well
also in some good news - the amount of good news today for one thing is bothering me - all this good cannot happen without there being something bad - that is not how my life works - but anyway - so ----- i have a job interview - or actually the company told me that when i am in the area i can just call them to set up an interview - so now i need to go home next week i think - yes i should - take next friday off and go home to do an interview - that would be good - well hell - having a job would be good - so yes i will have to go then!
oh hell - easter vacation was ok - well ok at best - funny thing - every year we go to easter service at the a church in town - it usually switches between the four christian churches every year - just the sunrise service - since no church by itself could support a sunrise service by itself - so well mom and dad decided they wanted to get there early to get a good spot - why - i am not sure - unless by good spot they mean right in the back so you can sleep - which is what they meant - thank god - but they took off at 7 - and church was at 7:30 - ugh - so my brother and i wearly got ready for church - and made it out the door with about 5 minutes to spare - and then we realized - we had no idea where we were going - so we drove around our town at 7:30 - at about 65 looking for cars parked by a church - we finaly found it after about 10 extra minutes and made it inside just in time to start the service - good thing too - we made the 18th and 19th people there - eh..... - but on the plus side - we got some chocolate bunnies from our parents and i also got a new black tie for interviewing! - yeah - they are so sweet - i am so glad easter is about chocolate and gifts - we should make every religous holiday about gifts and chocolate! -
so i started my weekend off on thursday when my friend sarah came down from minneapolis to visit - she was on her way to the armpit of america - also known as council bluffs, iowa - to visit her parents for easter - it was such a nice deal for her to stop - that is great - so when she got into town she commented on how the house was earily quiet - she had never been there before when no one was home - and yes - it is very quiet when you are there alone - for the longest time we used to think we had a ghost in the basement - there were all sort of strange noises and banging - but it soon stopped and we never figured out why - but anyway we eventually went out to eat with jennifer and then went to the bar to the usual thursday convocation with the girls: seth, sam and luke - but they didn't show - which i thought was awefully rude - but it probably just some karma comming back at me from when i missed last thursdays - but oh well - so anyway after drinking i went home with sarah and again, no one was home - which i am thinking was nice - dan i figured was out playing halo and drinking - but oh well - so we got some lambrusco wine and decided to watch a movie - we had three options - Far From Heaven which i am in love with - especially the part where denis quaid breaks down and starts crying infront of the family about his problem - i can relate to that - Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil - which i am in love with also - have been for some time - the book is amazing as is the movie - i so want to plan a trip to savanah this summer - i hope it is as nice as the book says - and last The Ring which is just scary - we chose the ring and watched it - there were some deep breaths in the room - damn it was scary at certian times - i have even seen it before and i am stil scared by it - i am such a wuss - well we watched it and loved it - the wine went quickly - i think it was some sort of pacifier at frist - oh well -
the next day we woke up late and ate at panera - it is such a great store - the chocolate crossiant is fucking to die for - you must deffinetly try one sometime if you can - after that it was a day of dissapointing goodwill shopping and even the salvation army had nothing good - i was quite saddened by this - but oh well - i am at home now and i think i will eventually drive up to the city and go out - see my favorite drag waitress chad and have a drink - might was well - whatelse do i have to do -
so this seems to be the time of the year when adventures happen - i was just reading on sinister that a whole bunch of people whom do not know how lucky they are went to see a very small intiment belle and sebastian gig in glasgow - now i know i am not anywhere close to being in the same hemisphere as those boys and girls - but still it urks me - just a little - all those people who have seen them so much and myself only once at an amazing chicago gig - although i shouldn't really complain too much - cuase i know i am lucky to have seen that - i can still remember it - myself and miss jennifer *and another person who is basically dead to me - but we will not go there now* had a wonderful time dancing and singing to the tunes being played by our favorite band - it was quite a magical time - and i should get some pictures posted up here from it sometime - well we will figure it out when i have more time for it -
also it seems that miss laura llew is going on a trip herself - she seems to driving to see the dirty hippy up in massastate i think - anyway - it sounds like there will be some adventures there - she always seems to have the best times - oh well - that is what you get when you are as popular as her - and then she is going to see gayjay - which i am sure there will be some sort of story from that - she does always seem to come back with the best stories - not to mention pictures - man - sometimes i wish i didn't live in iowa -
oh but wait - i am going to be having an adventure of my own here! - yeah for me - finally i am going to do something other then work on papers - which never seem to get anymore completed then the title pages - on a side note - i think i have some sort of procrastination disease - like procrastinitus or something that sounds cute but is actually a horrible debilitating disease that stirkes at the end of the semester - oh bother - but anyway my adventure - so it seems as though i am going home for easter sunday - which i usually do - last years easter sunday involved me taking care of my very drunk brother on saturday night at 4 in the morning as he laid in the bathroom on the floor with the shakes and the shivers - the next morning was not much better - he is the only person i have ever seen run out of church to go puke in the bathroom -
during sermon - my grandmother who is sitting behind me leans forward after my brother dashes for the door - and whispers to me and my father grandmother: oh my - dear is chris ok?
me: ya i think he might just have the flu or something
dad: ya the brown bottle flu. saddly we all laughed at that - as did most of the people around us - man we are so going to hell
after church mind you - standing in the communion area in the back getting juice me: what happened back there?
brother: oh i just couldn't take it anymore.
me: what the sermon?
brother: no it was just so hot, i was burning up and then that feeling came. you know the one where you know if you don't get out of there, someone will scream when they see what you've done.
me: i think that was the devils way of telling you that he doesn't want you to drink.
brother: no, wendy (his ex girlfriend) wasn't there. so it can't be the devil.
h dear - but it didn't stop their - on our way home he even felt the need to get up - open up the sliding back window on the pickup and throw up into the pickup box right as we were passing a family of walkers - so i turned up the radio - loud to hopefully over up the sound of kerchunking in the back - hehehe - oh what a mess - so i am just sure that this easter wil prove to me something fun too - i plan on taking my camera everywhere - cause you know something will happen at church - if you get that many senile old women together something is bound to happen - not to mention that i will also be going out both nights i am home - so something is going to happen - well atleast i hope it will - mom also said something about a family gathering - yikes - this could spell disaster for me -
so i wanted to get atleast a little work done right - no - i got absolutely nothing done tonight - besides fiddling around with this infernal contraption - twice - but i have a comments section now - which is great - now i can see how many people don't care - hehehe - well that was a joke - but watch - just watch - i guarentee there will be lots of no one loves me all over the site - oh well -
honestly though - i really wanted to get most of the paper done tonight - but i succeded in getting most of nothing done - i needed - to get something done - and i think that tomorrow i will work on getting it done - i need to get some more done then what i have - cause it is close to nothing - er....pathetic i mean - well i have legitamently had all semester to do this - and another paper - and i have nothing to show yet - yikes - i had better get to moving - unfortunatly - i am way to tired to work on a paper now - of course i am not tired enough to type on this - hehe - oh that is sad i think -
one last thought of the night - my parents told me tonight that if i couldn't find a job for this summer at home then i could go home and work for them dismanteling some farm sheds around our lots - which is cool - this is the first major approval i have gotten from them about moving home even without a job - so well have to see what happens with that -
tonight i feel sick - i am not sure why - but for some reason i am not feeling too well - i am skipping the rec tonight - i can work on building my non-existant muscles later - for now i am working on a paper that i need to have done by monday at 6 - which i know i can do - i just need to motivate myself - and i am completely unmotivated to do this - why is this going on - my life is just falling apart right now - i just want to sleep - all i want to do is go to sleep tonight - but i can't even do that cause i have to write a paper -
WHEN THE DAY GETS YOU DOWN - JUST RELAX AND THINK OF BREAKING SOMETHING
oh today was hell - i swear - i just about had a fight with everyone i talked to - but what do i do about that - and what do i attribute this too - why am i so angry - well i know one reason why i am angry - but that can't be helped - fuck that problem - so anyway - i was just completely bombed out - i was sad and pissy and i really wanted to just melt into the ground and sleep for ever - but i needed to do some work - so i decided to get some tea - it was jasmine green tea - no earl gray right now cause i would never get to sleep - also i got out some of my crabtree and evelyn jojoba bath salts and soaked my feet - which was wonderful and heavenly - oh god it felt so nice - and i even found some time to do a little biore self heating mask - overall it was a wonderful combination for stress releasing - i got out some of the bad emotions and now i am feeling alot better - unfortunatly i have to work tomorrow at 8 so i need to get to bed now - 8 is so early - yuck - but atleast i will fee pretty and clean - mmmmm........
I HATE WHEN THINGS GET DIFFICULT - THIS IS THE WAY THINGS MUST GO IN ORDER FOR THERE TO BE CIVILITY
there is no civility in the mansion - there is no kindness going around - we are all fed up with each other and it seems like we just all want to get away - or atleast that is what i think of it all - perhaps i am wrong - and there is not hostility - except toward me - but i still think i have a good reason to be angry - whether i do or not is up to them - they can decided - but i am still watching the dishes in the sink - but if there is a reason for all this i believe it is a way for me to see that i can't depend on anyone - really - there is no point in me thinking that everyone will do their own thing and keep everything good - it won'y happen because everyone is not concerned with how things are -
oh god - when did this turn into a bitch rag - that is all i do anymore is bitch - oh wel i guess
so i am officially hated in my own house - by both of my roommates no doubt - well one roommate is my x so this is no surprise - see the enrty before this one to understand the full extent of that - but we don't speak anymore - and we just stare at each other when we pass - evil looks - bad gazes - oh well - and now my other roommate - i believe dispises me too - because my x feeds him things i say - so they are running a monopoly against me in the house - which i guess is fine - it is everyones own opinion to think what they want to - i don't like it - but oh well - this is all stemming from the incident in which i yelled at the x because of dishes and in a error of ways told him that i thought that i was the only one who did anything - and while i do realize that i was overestimating the work load in the house and what was done by the others - i still feel somewhat justified by what i said - -anyway so i find out that the x told my other roomie that i was trash talking him about not doing dishes - so i get in trouble from him when iget home - and i probably did deserve it - and then there are just some other things - they both are cold shouldered to me - there is really no more open lines of communication - not that there were tons before - but it was there - and now i just feel like i am being judged by them all - my rommies boyfriend was standoffish to me today - he seemed like he didn't know what to say or even if he wanted to say anything - he is usually a pretty talkative person - always talking to me and others - and today it just didnt happen - so i ask myself what is going on - the main problem tonight is that the house was heated up and i turned the air on - so i closed the windows i could get at - all except the x's windows - i told him i was gonna turn the air on and he asked why? well i told him it was really hot in my room - i can't open the wiondows in my room for lack of a screan to keep the car from jumping to his death - so i needed the air on - and i felt it was justified - the house thrmastate was up to 78 in the house - hell that is hot -- so i turned it down - to i thought around - 68 - but i guess it was at 60 - oh well - so he stopped in before he went to bed to tell me that it was not needed to hvae the house at 60 - which i dont remember it being at - oh well - the point of the story is that you should live at home by yourself - or make sure you divide jobes evenly - that is good - but i got yelled at by them both - bad - sometimes i really hate my life - some more things happenedddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd - eh - this is too much for me - i will finish this later -
i had a discussion with my x tonight - it was a frist time in a long time that i have talked about him on here - which is a good thing - cuase that limmits the drama in my life down to little or nothing - well anyway - what major experience happened was that he told me that we would no longer be friends - that he was disgusted to look at me all the time - and it was a major effort for him to even be civil to me - funny isn't it - how things turn out - i sincerely thought that it was going in the right direction - the friendship that is - but the boy is fickle - what can i say - he changes his mind - and changes his thoughts - changes things around to whatever he wants - it is of no concern to me anymore what he thinks - i have come upon the idea - well actually it was thrust upon me tonight that - if he wants there to be no friendship and nothing - then that is what he will get - isn't it interesting how things turn out - why i can remember a time or two that he told me that he was afraid that i would never talk to him again - and that i would move away and we would not communicate - well he needs to remember that he is the one who has based this decision - i can still scrole through old memories of his - and remember the times he was kind to me - thoughful and even on occasion very caring - this of course is refering to the post-relationship times - he was a good kid - and then he just changed one day - he became solitary - spending lots of time in his room on his comupter and reading - he didn't associate with the roommates - he narry said a word to us in a day - and then he emerged from this metamorphasis a changed man - he is no longer funloving - nor is he caring - he is bitter and jaded toward me - he used to say that things were ok - that when i was having troubles he was there and was a good person - but he didn't want help when he was troubled - he became what he is now - i can only say this as an opinion of mine - for it may not be true - for what people perceive of him is their own perogotive - i can only say what i feel and see - now we are no more anything - he told me he hates me - and that he thinks all those bad things about me - we'll never be friends again - and i do believe him - not because i won't be trying nor willing to be friends - i will always be i think willing to be friends - he was a good kid and i would like to remain in contact with him - but for him i cannot speak - and if he stays on the track he is on - i guess there is no hope - i once said to him and he then echoed to be the same - that being forgotton is a fate worse then death - and i do agree with what i said and i know he agrees with it too - for me i am not going to forget him - he was a large part of my life and will always hold a spot in me - and as for what he thinks - i am not too worried - i am not trying to arrogent or anything - but i do not believe i will be forgotton - but if he proves me wrong and he does forget me - then he is a better man for it - godspeed to him on his new life -
NEVER IN MY WILDEST DREAMS WOULD I THOUGH I WOULD VISIT A MULLET SANCTUARY ON MY TRIP
so where to begin - i went home on thursday because two friends and myself had tickets to go see alison krause and union station play at the sioux city orpheuim - it was an amazing show frist off - i am no fan of country - but it wasn't exactly country - it was a little bluesy and then a little bluegrass - and not a whole lot of the whole allan jackson, reba macinwhatever blabing about how their woman/man fan off with some blah and their dog is dead ad counrty still lives and lets ride a bull - and you get what i am saying - it was good - there was quite of lot of musicicanship going on - you could tell they really loved what they were doing - and besides i am a sucka for a stand up bass in anything - oh they sound soo good - but it really hit home when alison was describing how she was going to use a song a friend had given her - but there was one problem - it was a happy song - so - as she said - we had to go and change it around into a sad song - cause "no one gets to leave our shows feeling happy or good about themselves." - oh - it was like she was speaking dirrectly to me - hehehe - well anyway to make a long story short - the show was very good and i completely recomend it to anyone - she really entertained - ok -
the one major downfall was that it was in sioux city - now don't get me wrong - i love this town - it is fun and there are some really great people here - but mother of god - it IS the town that style forgot - litterally - you would think that it was still the 80's around here by how some people dress - so at the concert last night we saw - rather large women - with cankles *i might add* wearing leggings that didn't leave anything to the immagination - men with gigantic large bellies - but still tucked their shirts in - i am not sure how some of them did that - but they did - really bad blazers in lots of greens and tans - *light tans mind you* - lots of floral print dresses with sweater tops - cowboy boots and tight wrangles - oh god - not to mention the crowing acheivement - the mullet - which i am sure the people are not wearing to look cool - i am sure some of them actually believe that is a good style for them - there were perms galore - not that they are bad - but hell - they were all teased to hell - think jennifer beal in
flashdance - ya it was that bad - god - seriously though - the best time we had was just making fun of people who looked like hell - not that we judge people based on their appearence - well sometimes - ya - we do ok - sorry - but anyway - blah - so it was just completely hilareous to look at everyone - so much fun - hehehe - afterwards we went to a local bar and hung out with some people that i know from sioux city - they are good kids and i hope to have some pictures of them soon up somewhere - oh well - we'll try -
but that is enough for now as i am going to go and wash my car - sound like fun - maybe i'll get a tan too - it is about 70 degrees here - oh wow - heat wave -
so i officially started my job today - and it was pretty repetative - for three and a half hours i shelled corn and sorted it - but hell - it is 8 bucks an hour - who am i kidding - i love it - it is about the least amount of work i can do and still get paid the most i've ever been paid - yes - i rock - but it is really not that bad - and i even get a snazzy badge too - woo hoo - i rule -
I'D SAY I LIVE IN HELL - BUT I THINK HELL WOULD BE NOT BE SO CLUTTERED WITH DISHES
i swear things never get done in this house unless i do them - and for fucks sake - why am i the only one - the garbage has needed to go out for days - does it get taken out - no it just accumulates more stuff - now it is overflowing onto the floor - and i have done dishes now for the past few times - is it seriously so hard to do a dish once you use it - for god damn sake - we have a fucking dish washer - rinse it and throw it in the DISH WASHER - i swear they have no idea what to do - the last time the kitchen was cleaned my roommates BOYFRIEND did it - cuase he said it looked bad and it needed it - well it did need it and thank god he did it - i am sorry - i don't think we should wait till it is a freaking nuculear disaster till we clean it - so now i am off to clean the kitchen - so that tomorrow it maybe dirty again -
OH LOOK OUTSIDE! IT IS SNOWING IN APRIL - WITH ADDED LIGHTENING FOR FUN! fun...i think would be a good word - snow and lightening - and some thunder - it has been a long time since i have seen some thundersnow - and rightfully so i think i will stop working - and go outside to see it for a bit - it is still quite early so i think that i will have time to do it later - yes - i shall sit on the poarch and watch the snow - cause this will be it for the winter i think - on wednesday i believe it is supposed to be close to 60 - so the snow should be gone by then - yes - very much gone - oh well -
also something new and fun - i have become quite bored of the look of this site so i am gonig to chance some colors and see what i can do with this - get something new and interesting looking - i think that should be good - and if only i could get my stupid archives to get complied into months instead of weeks - it is starting to look jumbled on that side - yikes - oh well - we'll play around and see what happens -
everyday i wake up alone because i'm not like all the other boys
so i went home and turned in an application to work at a shelter in sioux city - and now i am back in ames - when all i really want to do is stay in sioux city - it gets harder and harder to come back to ames - everytime i do - i feel like i am gonna get stuck here - like i will not be able to leave - which is rediculous - i will be able to leave once my rent is up - but that is in august - and the more i talk about leaving in june - the happier i have been - i need to get a move on with my life - i have been here too long - sure i will miss all my friends - and that will never change - i will always love them no matter where they or i am at - unless they are someplace sunny, warm and thus infinatly better then iowa - and then i will be bitter - but i think they know i need to move on - jen told me to move on - and god knows i will miss her so much - i will completely miss her - but i need to get on with things - to fucking walk up to life and say - here i am - fucking take me where you will - here i go - yikes - hope i don't end up in the ditch! -
