debate exposes doubt |
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what we place most hopes upon,
generally proves most fatal.
- the vicar of wakefield 
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Thursday, September 25, 2003
GET OUT OF MY WAY FLEA BAG
so here she is walking by my door as i am locking up with a pug - an ugly lookin pug at that - it's head was huge and it had a little itty bitty waist - it reminded me of one of those weightlifters that has such a huge upper body and a small waste that he might break apart in the middle - well yeah - it was an ugly dog - the lady stops when she sees me and then continues to walk - i have seen her before - i believe she is a nurse - i've arived home at the same time as her before and she was wearing an all white uniform - eh....whatever - well the dog is running all over the hallway - i turned and walked with her towards the elevator - it wasn't nearly ten seconds before she blurted out - "this is my mothers dog you know" - as if i really even care whose dog it is - well i don't respond so that must mean that she needs to keep talking - cause she does!!! - i used to have a dog like this one but mine was more musclar and he had a better coat" - again - why does she talk - so this time i just laughed at that comment cause i wasn't really sure what to say - when we got to the elevator she stands infront of the vator and the dog runds around the corner of the wall and starts to pee on the wall - of course at this i began to laugh histarically - the woman becomes angry at the pug and pulls on its leash knocking the dog onto the ground as its peeing which causes it to pee onto the floor and wall - i couldn't stop laughing - and then the elevator opens - we both walked into seperate sides of the elevator with me still chuckling - her on the right and me on the left - and then she opens her mouth again - her : this dog is so strange it never listens! just this morning it was standing infront of a school bus barking at it like the bus was gonna hurt it. and the other day when we were driving when i stopped at a stop sign it jumped out the window and nearly hung itself cause i had the leash tied up in the car. so yeah i am making friends - but really i didn't even think and maybe its retarded just flew out of my mouth - but god damn it - its the truth that dog was retarded - and probably her a little bit too -
Sunday, September 21, 2003
WHEN THE SHIT HITS THE FAN well the title implies doom and problems - and yes that is what happened - well last tuesday i was down at home on the farm - its only a short jaunt from where i live in the city - anyway - my car was down getting serviced at the local aamaco and i was in the shower - well my parents decided to go and pick up my car for me cause if the aamaco closes i would have to wait till the next day to get my keys - well my mother drives my car home and she apparently decides that she wants to tidy up the car or something and pick some things up - who really knows what she was thinking - but anyway - she finds and reads a postcard i was going to send to the #1 man back when we were having some problems and fighting - i guess as she said that she thought it was a postcard from my friend sarah - whom i have discussed candidly in thus journal before - but it was not to or from her - and my mother learned something that day that i think she was not ready for - or was she.... she cornered me in the kitchen and flat out asked me - so i want to know if you are dating "#1 man" (of course she said his name, but i will not) - and then she added - it would be stupid of you to lie since i found this postcard in your car describing some arguements you guys were having and that you hope that you both can work them out - so then i just said - yes - i am gay and i really do not care what people think about it - if you wish to pass judgement then you can - others have in the past and i guess it will just have to be that way - but she only said that she didn't care and that it was not important - wow not important in a sense it is important - cause things will be different at family gatherings and seasonal things - forever will her perceptions and dreams of a typical american family will be gone - but she didn't care - now i had heard coming out horror stories from guys - mothers who won't quit crying and screaming "oh god what did i do wrong?" or worse parents telling their children to "get the fuck out" - so i was ready for something truely horrendous - but instead - i got complience and acceptence - nothing was wrong - and that was the best part - .....ah......but now i have to put up with questions such as... "how long have you known?" ... its so wonderful to speak with your parents about sex - at that point in time i wished i could have been anywhere else - anywhere!! - all in all it was a tiring little discussion and one that i will not ever want to make again - everyone else can just find out from someone else - like the part in waynes world - she tells one person - they tell one person - and they tell one person - and on - and on - and on - on second thought that might be a bad idea - who only knows what small town gossip will do to a story like that - god - i'd probably end up hearing that someone at the local beauty salon said i was a transsexual that likes leather and has webed feat - anyone who has ever lived in a small town knows what i mean Friday, September 12, 2003
THE FOG
now that is fog but i must also add that it is pretty damn cool - because it is the city the whole air is filled with this muted orange glow from the street lights around town - and lights come out of nowhere and are followed by mysterious cars driving out of the mist - its a very david lynch movie out side - think mulholland drive and lost highway looking - very preceptually stunning but creepy and mysterious - so therefore i am drawn to it - i was staring out the window for the longest time while my pizza rolls were cooking - just looking at the civilization moving about - but enough about the insanity of me - death cab for cutie and belle and sebastian releases yup folks you heard it here - new records from death cab and belle and sebastian - not to mention a DVD form belle and sebastian also - oh lucky stars - october will be the best month ever - i can not wait - i simple can't -
Thursday, September 11, 2003
THE RAIN FALLS GENTLY TAPPING SLIGHTLY RAPPING AGAINST MY WINDOW PANE
kinda a strange day where you never want to get out of bed or even wake up for the most part - where the best thing is a soft comforter and a warm body next to you - its been this way for the past two days................and i am loving every minute of it - unfortunatly i do not have any of my fun sweaters up here of anything that is slightly fall resembling - i dug out one of my least favorite dress shirts to day to wear - it made it feel a bit more like fall but really nothing major yet - its still a bit to early for my favorite season to begin - and i can't wait - so now i am just sitting around in my room watching the rain fall on my 5th story windwon - its weird beign able to look out and see the whole top of a town and watch the rain fall and not see it land - usually i am on the ground and you see the destination - but tonight i am not seeing the final destination - i am only watching the journey - ..............ugh..............to much thinking -
Sunday, September 07, 2003
WHAT EVERYONE ALREADY KNEW - I'M NOT WELL
it was just a short quiz - really doesn't mean much of anything - or does it?
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